I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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