The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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