I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
