If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
