i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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