Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
