you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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