I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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