She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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