eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
