Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
