She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
