I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
