When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
