Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
