Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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