talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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