Betty ford says i'm here all night
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
