I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
