i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
