I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
