ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
