Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
