oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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