Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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