Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
