She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
