Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
