please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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