I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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