thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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