so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
