If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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