Apparently you make a good broom.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
