I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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