i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
babies were throwing up all over the place
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
