You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
