life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize