So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
