she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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