Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
