He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
