just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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