Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize