I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
