Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
