No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh god it's open bar.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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