tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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