I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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