I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
