True but thats because hes a fetus.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
