my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
