god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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