Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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