At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize