Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
