DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My life is pants optional.
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