who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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