I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
