I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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