I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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