My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
