For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize