So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
this hospital has no fireball
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
