I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
false alarm. still invincible.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
