Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
