Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
