She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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