I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
