I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize