.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
