I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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