yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The struggles of a small town man whore
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
