There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
