Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
