I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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