Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
