we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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