Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have aggressive nipples.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize