Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
