By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
