I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
