He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
