Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
