there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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