I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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