You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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