so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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