and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
