I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
