Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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