If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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