tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
