can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
