thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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