if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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