just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
