Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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