My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
