I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
