yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
