can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
