The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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